To maternity and public health nurses, please be honest, and please don't ever lie, and please don't over react and target new parents... please learn from my story. It can end in disaster. Serious why do some nurses target certain patients? And what should be done about it? Please be kind. Im Sharing my story because the targeting indirectly caused the death of my child. And I need to know what I can do next time to prevent this from happening. I guess don't ask nurses for help. Please learn from my patient experience. Its hard for me to open up and shre this.
March 24th 2018- i had just been through 16 hours of active labor and my 1st c-section. my husband had been up for 16 hours straight with no sleep. when we went home we would have the support of my parents and step parents as we lived with my mom and stepfather and my dad and step mom were very close and always ready to help as well. I was only allowed 2 support people with me. my husband took one spot and the doula had the other. we had only paid for. her to support until Ebony was born.
She left straight away after the birth. my mom and my dad both couldn't get there until the morning the following day so it was just me and my husband. thinking of my baby and so exhausted i knew i would be able to stay awake and neither would he.
We called the maternity nurses who has said their job was to support us. Lie.
We asked them to take ebony to the nursery for a few hours while we got some sleep. They're response was that that was a red flag for neglectful and abusive parenting. How? it made no sense. We were doing the RESPONSIBLE thing asking for support and help with baby post partem until my mom could arrive. 26 hours straight with no sleep, it is impossible for anyone to even function like that let alone, properly care for a newborn. Which is why we asked for the HELP. This was bullying. pure and simple.
during the next few days a public health nurse came in and demanded we allow her to come into our home and perform well baby visits or she would contact a social worker. she said our doctor had concerns about our parenting. Another Lie.
At the next post baby appointment our doctor stated to us that she in fact did not have any concerns. she stated she attempted to speak to the public heath nurse but that the health nurse was avoiding her. I wonder why? (Sarcasm)
During the next month we had many well baby visits. we even invited family and children services to come in and give us approval on the nursery and to give us support in the hopes the public health nurse would back off.
all we wanted was to be left alone to raise our child.
All new parents get frustrated and overwhelmed and need breaks. need a support system to rely on. at one well baby visit my husband got frustrated with the baby crying and he gently picked her up and lid her in the bassinet safely to take a moment to cool down.
preventing an issue that way was according to the public health nurse also neglectful and abusive parenting. Lie.
we asked the public health nurse why ebony was always cold and why at 2-3 weeks old she still had blue tinged hands and feet... we were told it was normal and she was more concerned about ¨whether or not we might be the type of people who might be child abusers.¨ More Lies.
even though she could plainly see how loved this little girl was. we had a doctors appointment coming up... in a couple of days... we were going to ask our doctor about it because we trusted her. when i was pregnant with ebony my husband would gently rub my belly and talk to her. i told this to my doctor.
someone reported us because the public health nurse said " ï know about matt yelling at ebony when you were pregnant with her". Lies! More Lies!
i never ever said he yelled because he did no such thing.
April 26th 2018. I awoke to Ebonys cries. it felt like my ears were on fire but looking at her little face i new she was hungry. i felt okay to let my husband sleep while i attempted to breastfeed her... i picked her up, she took a sudden breath and her lips went blue. i immediately woke my husband and we called 911... she was rushed to the emergency where she was pronounced dead after working on her to try and save her life. after all i wanted to do was go home and grieve and bury my baby.
we were put through month of extra suffering while she was chopped up for an autopsy that we didn't want (against out spiritual beliefs) and then we were treated like criminals questioned by the police and everything. more bullying.
months later we get a report in the mail that he death has been ruled unascertained meaning they found no reason for her death (beacuse there was no reason) and basically the extra grief and waiting was all for nothing. it was the worst feeling the world.
after my family made us have a funeral for her... i didn't want that... my baby was gone, and i didn't care about songs and flowers.
Lies and Paranoia. Professionals don't realize the damage they do when they over react based on a 5 minute to 1 hour evaluation. If the public health nurse and the maternity nurses had been more concerned with helping us as new parents and taking our concerns about our baby's health seriously instead of making up imaginary potential abuse that was not and would never happen, criticizing and micromanaging our parenting, maybe ebony wouldn't have lost her life. Maybe we would have known to take her to the emergency room. maybe they could have helped. Maybe she would still be here.
These systems are supposed to protect children. they "protected" my daughter right into her little coffin! we were cheated and lied to and targeted.
years later i asked for the CFS report to help me process my grief. 3 quarters of it was redacted. the parts that were visible made no sense. ¨baby is gaining healthy weight but parents are not feeding enough or regularly.¨
Huh? Geez if we aren't feeding her regularly i wonder where the healthy weight is coming from? ( more sarcasm) and either the public health nurse or the doctor lied to us to our faces. things need to change. i still cry every day for her. good parents need support not micro management. we need to get back to a presumption that parents are basically good unless proven to be otherwise.
The medical system and parent ¨support system killed my baby and i will never forgive them. or stop telling my story until things change. i didn't have a choice in many things or proper supports. i want to make sure other moms do and that targeting like this doesn't happen again!
https://ift.tt/umdctFZ Submitted October 14, 2025 at 08:41AM by Halloweenfairy92 https://ift.tt/kT9yhEv