Over the past few years my dad has had some health complications (heart attack and stroke) that have left him wheelchair bound and unable to care for himself. Mom became the de-facto caregiver. The only income they receive is his social security check, which I think is barely enough to cover living expenses and medical bills. They’re both getting older, and I really worry for mom, that the physical, mental, and emotional strain of taking care of him is causing her health to decline. in the middle of November, they were doing a chair transition and they lost their balance and he fell, resulting in a fracture in his spine. Since then he’s been mostly in bed and he’s gotten weak. He’s currently in the hospital (since Christmas Eve) being treated for a blood infection, but should be released soon. The doctors are asking my mom if there is a care facility lined up to accept him upon his release, and she is incredulous to the idea that he needs to go to a nursing home. I want to help, but I don’t think I’m financially stable enough to take on the out of pocket expense of a visiting nurse or for the kind of care they need. My wife and I work full time, and we are trying to get our life off the ground. Mom hasn’t shared with me if she has done any research on the subject of financial assistance or subsidized care for the situation they are in. None of us think that a nursing home is a good option, and they are pretty stubborn about not moving out of their big, 2-story house into something more functional and ergonomic for their needs. All I know is I’m scared that if it continues like this, that they’ll both end up getting hurt. If anyone has insight into how to handle this situation, someone I or they can talk to about it, I would be really grateful for some advice. I think we all need to go see a therapist who can help get through to mom, but mom is against it.
My goals are to figure out a solution, and then to persuade mom to understand that she needs help. I need to find out what I can do to help, and then execute some sort of plan for getting dad the care he needs, while getting mom some relief while hopefully not making us all destitute.
TL;DR one parent is trying to care for the other who is not able to care for himself. OP not sure how to relieve burden of care from the parents so that they both don’t end up unfit to be self-sustaining.
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